One of the things I’ve noticed in Mexico City is the politeness people have toward the poor. Countless times I’ve heard Mexicans say “no, thank you” to beggars pleading for change.
It’s the same way with street vendors peddling their wares. The vendor may interrupt your shopping trip at the tianguis, or your conversation at a sidewalk cafe, to push the greatness of wooden salsa spoons, mesh strainers, plants, rugs. Instead of acting annoyed, it’s culturally acceptable to say no thank-you. If the vendor persists, the person being intruded upon might say, “No, thank you, very kind of you to offer.”
And the way the word thank-you sounds: It has this semi-regretful tone, as if the person with money really would love to help out, but he can’t right now, and he really appreciates the poorer person asking.
I’m so curious as to where this behavior comes from. Does it stem from Mexicans’ overwhelming value of work, and so beggars are not disregarded because they’re only trying to make a few pesos? Or are Mexicans just generally more empathetic toward the poor than Americans, because more Mexicans live in poverty, or know people who do?
In the U.S., when people asked me for change, I ignored them. Crayton and I did donate money to charities that helped the homeless. But I hardly ever looked a homeless person, or a poor person, in the eye. Here I do often. But (I shamefully admit), I only started doing it because everyone else was, too.
Any Mexicans out there care to elaborate on this? And for all the Americans, why aren’t we more polite to the poor? Should we be?
I think it might have something to do with the expectation… in the US I often felt that people felt entitled to be given something and here in Mexico people are grateful if you give but don’t expect it.
But I would love a Mexican to chime in with their perspective.
I have noticed this issue as well here in Veracruz. I observed that Mexicans in general value people and are accostumed to helping each other out – be it financially or however. Even if they have the money to buy the product, it’s usually the social norm to ‘save face’ for the person being rejected by being polite. Mexicans are great at practicing diplomacy…something I have picked up on here as well.
I have asked my husband about this and there are many reasons. One of which you hit the nail on the head and it is because there are more poor and povrished people here. And a lot of those who are not have been or are close to someone who is. Also few of the poor here have a choice at a better life where in the States there is so much help for those people. I’m sure there are exceptions to both but you get my drift. Also you have to add how easily the “non truths” come out. I recently bloged on them and if you are not doing it yet you will be. Its part of the diplomacy that Leah spoke of. My husband a lot of times will tell them, ” next time” full well knowing that we cant or wont give next time if and when we ever see this person again. And to be honest they know it to most likely. What we may consider flat out lying here may be known as diplomacy or getting by without needing an explanation. What ever it is there sure is a big difference than in the States. My husband also says that some of it may stem from the strong Catholic faith. If you haven’t noticed a lot of the Catholic religion is practiced different here and is much more strict. When you believe that works get you to heaven or at least help a lot then you are going to be much kinder to everyone even the poor and beggars who disrupt your shopping. Sorry that got kinda long.
For me it always depends on the situation and the person … with a few exceptions.
Up north it was if they looked to be an alcoholic or begging was their profession … always a no.
Here it’s usually something I don’t need … and would almost prefer just asking for money than selling nick-nacks. I definitely give more often here than up north but sometimes rely on friends having a few coins.
Polite is easy and seldom is anyone offended
Nice Blog
If I can get to my change, I often give them a few coins, less than a peso. I’ll go to some trouble to get to my change if they’re really elderly women, even though I wave off their chiclets. If I have no coins, I usually just shake my head with a regretful smile. But if they’re drunks, I just avoid eye contact and keep moving. The ones who break my heart are the Indian women sitting on the sidewalk with one or more babies. It’s been said that they often “rent” babies for the day to emphasize their plight, and that they buy alcohol too, but until I know that for a fact I will continue to give. Also irresistible are the little girls with useless doodads to sell, but they’re so insistent I’ve learned I have to say no or their cohorts will mob me.
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Up in Canada I never give to the beggars because the guys on the street begging for change and almost always druggies and drunks. But here in Mexico they don’t have a great welfare system for the poor or un-employed. I always give when I can, but up North I avoid the beggars…here, I”m always polite.
Here’s my theory. If it’s a young kid or a woman, I think we GENUINELY feel sorry for them, that’s why we are so polite; deep inside we know a few pesos won’t change the fact that with no education and limited job opportunities, they will remain on the streets for a long time. Now, if it’s a young man or a drunk, then I’m almost sure it’s FEAR; we are polite because we want to avoid confrontation or even the risk of being mugged.
Thanks for your input Rolando. On the young people and drunks, I’ve definitely come across a few who demand change more than ask for it, which can be a little scary. It’s interesting what you say about feeling genuinely sorry for young kids or women… I wonder if that means Mexicans are generally more empathetic than Americans? Of course it’s hard to generalize, but in my experience I think it might be true.
This reminded me of an experience that my Mexican husband had while in Detroit. A woman on the street was begging for money, and my husband gave her whatever change was in his pocket. She refused, claiming that she wanted at least a dollar! So he took his change back. Yet another stunning difference between Mexico and the US.
I have never been able to fully translate homeless to spanish, the closest terminology is desamparados “without gods light”, given than mexico is such a catholic nation i wonder if this is reason why the general public as more kind to the homeless, because in the context of the US homeless usually implies unstable/lazy/unemployeed and in mexico it simply means unlucky.
I know i would be more tolerant to someone that had bad luck and lost their job, than someone that was lazy and got fired.
I know this was posted a long time ago, but Lesley, I’m reading through your archived posts and couldn’t resist commenting on this one. I think the U.S. attitude is generally that, if you’re unfortunate, it’s your own fault. You are the master of your fate, the captain of your soul, etc. So if you’re down on your luck, you have only yourself to blame. In Mexico, your well-being (especially your professional and finanacial well-being) is a lot more precarious and perceived as being subject to factors beyond your control. Perhaps that has an impact, as well as Catholicism and a lack of social programs as your other commenters mentioned.