The Mija Chronicles

Mexican food and culture, on both sides of the border

Three things I learned at an ashram in India

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It’s not so easy to pick an ashram in India, especially if you’ve never been to India, and you’re not entirely sure what you’re looking for. I knew I wanted to study meditation, and breathing, and learn how to quiet my mind. But how could I even begin to choose a place? What if I chose poorly and ended up sleeping on a straw mat with mosquitoes biting me all night? (I was willing to do whatever for enlightenment’s sake, but with the least amount of misery possible.)

Nobody I knew had visited an ashram before. Ashram-review websites (“Check out the Top 10 ashrams in India!”) don’t exist. In fact, on the sites where people did share their ashram experiences, most people didn’t want to name the place, because everyone’s experience is different, and no one wants to unduly influence anyone.

I don’t want to unduly influence anyone either, but I’ve found so many people are truly curious about what the experience is like. So I’m going to share.

I found Tureya, a small ashram in Tamil Nadu, recommended in a few articles on the Internet. It looked pretty, surrounded by hills and mountains. And the website was very thorough. I sent an email inquiring about availability, and a kind woman wrote me back within three days. We exchanged a few more emails about what exactly I was seeking, and she told me a few things that made me think. About a month later, I had to make a deposit to confirm my reservation.

My rational side attempted to talk me out of it. Was I really going to stay here? I’d only seen this place on the Internet. I didn’t know anyone who’d gone there. It could be full of ax murderers. Or maybe the students who visited mysteriously disappeared before they could come home…

I ignored that crazy talk, and focused on my gut feeling. This place just seemed right for me. So I sent my deposit.

Several weeks later, I found myself in the back of a van taxi, rumbling up a mountain road lined with blooming flowers and banana trees. It turned down a dirt driveway, and suddenly there I was, in front of Tureya’s gate. I saw a few students on the other side, sipping tea out of aluminum cups. It was surreal. I was actually here, at an ashram in India. And I still didn’t have much of an idea of what to expect.

Over the next few days and weeks, I did a lot of thinking, reading, listening, sleeping and some meditating. I hiked in the mountains and washed my own clothes, and survived without my hair dryer and a full-length mirror. I cooked a Mexican meal for Swami and my fellow students, and I ate some fabulous home-cooked South Indian food.

Did I gain enlightenment? No. Was I searching for enlightenment? Not necessarily. I showed up open-minded. I wanted to learn to think about my life in a different way, and my stay at Tureya definitely helped me do that. But no one told me outright how, or that if I practiced these certain steps, I’d get what I wanted. (Which is something that Westerners are so accustomed to — people giving us specific programs and bullet points, so we can measure our progress.)

In the end, each of us had to figure out what resonated for us individually. For me, it ended up being three things. Here they are:

1. We are each responsible for our own happiness. Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? So often in life, we wish we had more of this or that, or that this one thing would happen for us. We become anxious over whether or not we’re leading the lives we should be living. But what if it turned out that the external factors didn’t matter? What if that anxious little voice actually did not have our best interests at heart? The only person who can make us happy is ourselves. It starts with our own minds. Assuming that’s true, then that means all of us can be happy anywhere, at any time. This was a revelation for me: there is no reason why I cannot be happy.

2. The mind is something we can control. This kind of relates to the above topic, but in this instance I’m talking more about physically banishing fear and anxiety from your head. Dude, it can be done. I promise you. There were a few times at the ashram where I couldn’t escape my thoughts — we had no distractions, and I was often by myself. Random thoughts and fears came out of nowhere, and it was a little scary at times. I concentrated on breathing slowly and deeply and often felt much calmer. That did not prevent these feelings from coming back, but it felt empowering to know that I could make them go away again.

3. Have more faith. For a long time, my attitude about life has been, “Well, I really want this [insert personal life goal here], but I probably won’t get it.” For the first time, I examined that latter clause. Why won’t I get it? Who says? Do I secretly think I don’t deserve it? I’d always been such a go-getter at work, pushing myself to do more stories and tackle big projects. In my personal life, though, I’d never really declared to the universe what exactly I wanted, and firmly pushed for it with 100 percent of my heart and soul. I thought it was a self-preservation technique, that it was smart to keep my expectations low. Only recently did I realize that it’s much more satisfying to have confidence and think positively. It feels so good to tell yourself that you’re worth something, and that you’ll get what you want in life. Fear just makes you feel dark and empty.

I’ll leave you with a few more photos.

The view outside my door

Fresh papaya for breakfast

Hiking in the hills outside the ashram

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. What’s up, WordPress homepage!

    Ha, you know, that point number one goes through my head a lot… almost like it’s a Mantra or something 🙂 But the first place I ever heard it? Someone on Curb Your Enthusiasm said it, an incidental character I think, even. Maybe Jeff’s wife. It’s great!

    Also, thanks for number 3. I’ve been going back and forth with my mom about the origin of Easter recently (blog entry forthcoming, I’m sure), and you’re helping me remember that faith is all she’s really getting at. Me too, for that matter.

    My various yoga podcasts often tell me to find the thing I love more than anything else and concentrate on that, and I can never really come up with anything. “Umm, myself?” I think declaring to the Universe exactly what I want can be really difficult, because of having to know exactly what, nevermind whether I deserve it. But maybe I am just hiding behind “I don’t know what I want” for other reasons. It’s possible.

    Anyway, thanks for laying things down like this. It’s inspiring.

  4. Looks like you learned some valuable lessons and enjoyed yourself in the process. Thanks for sharing. :–)

  6. Wow, Lesley – what an adventure. I’ve just discovered your blog, and love this post.

    There is great truth in your “3 things.” I especially like #1. We need to overcome the feeling that our happiness is determined by factors beyond our control. Especially in our society today, it seems we are programmed to always want more. But happiness is here, right now, waiting for us to claim it!

    So nice to have found you! Eva

  8. hey Lesley…I liked the 3 things that you had learnt while at this ashram..although I felt that 2 and 3 kind of resonated a bit. Anyways…anytime I look up for an ashram whereabouts I end up in the pages full of spa details.

    Tamil Nadu and Kerala are well known for ashrams and meditation centers not to mention ayurvedic healing. Great to have discovered your blog 🙂

    • Thanks Zoya! Yeah, if I’m ever back in India, I definitely want to take an Ayurvedic course in Kerala. I’m especially interested in Ayurveda in reference to food.

  9. That’s simply great post

    in my view, there are many authors who have pointed out about what you have mentioned in your post, particularly, Rhonda Byrne in her book: The Secret, Brian Tracy in his book: Create your own future etc

    hence, if you have time, i would suggest you should go for a little e-book on detailed experiences in the ashram and relate it on applying the same when a person returns.

    regards

    Malik Mirza
    http://www.wisdomfrombooks.com

  10. Great post. Keep writing. Continue meditating and/or praying, these wonderful processes will deepen your connection and, above all, enjoy living.

  11. There’s a good part of Elder Arseny: A cloud of witnesses available on Google books. Father Illarion, Kyra and others all loom large in the excellent spiritual guide book. Enjoy!

  12. Hey Lesley!

    Great reading about your experiences in an Indian ashram. Well, you were very honest in saying that you did not find enlightenment, though you seem to have liked the experience nevertheless.

    I have a message for you and all readers of this blog who are interested in meditation and finding themselves – please try Sahaja Yoga. It is a simple meditation which involves the awakening of the Kundalini (the dormant spiritual energy which resides in each of us). As the Kundalini rises you will be able to feel it as a fine tingling on your palms and fingertips, and on the top of your head as a cool or warm breeze!

    The process of getting your realisation takes a few minutes, and you will be guided as to how you should meditate every day. You need to meditate for a few minutes each morning and before going to bed. There are no physical or breathing exercises involved. And Sahaja Yoga is entirely free, no one will ever ask you for a penny, ever!

    To find out the center nearest to you, check out http://www.sahajayoga.org . Sahaja Yoga is in about 80 countires. The centers are run by volunteers one day per week, usually in the evenings, and a session typically lasts 1 to 1.5 hours.

    So, all you seekers out there, find out the center nearest to you and get your realisation. It is Blossom Time!

    • Hi Surajit: Thanks for your comment. Just want to make it clear that I wasn’t expecting to find enlightenment after staying at the ashram for only two weeks. I did enjoy my experience there, and left feeling really optimistic about how to think about my life in a new way.

      Sahaja Yoga sounds interesting — I’ll have to check out the website.

    • Thanks for sharing knowledge on sahaja yoga. I am going to find out if there is one in my area here in Pietermartizburg. Thank you. I am very keen to learn more.

  14. I love this blog. It is truely inspriational to me. I recently started blogging about personal situations in which I have experienced growth. I take those experiences and try to relate them to others in a useful way. The mind is the one thing that no one but you has control over. No one can take away your thoughts and that is a very very powerful thing. Find happiness in yourself and the things that you have control over. I think we all get caught up in trying to make the “perfect” life for ourselves, when the truth is life is not perfect but it is beautiful and you are living it.
    Thanks.

  15. Thanks for sharing. I wish I could experience something similar one day.

    I have on suggestion: how about posting a blog some day in the future about those things and if they still influence your life. this is something that would really be interesting to me, because I think people sometimes tend to forget the most important things too soon. if this doesn’t happened with your experiences at the ashram, it must have been truly worth it.

  16. 🙂 It was nice to read this post. God is in you. Peace is in your hand. Happiness is in your hand. Gita, Bhajan, Shloka, Yoja and all is to support you while you walk on the path of happiness, peace. They all accompany you. But its you and only you who needs to walk.

    There are lots of places in this world where people will tell they found peace but as soon as they leave that place they are back in that world. But they fail to notice that peace was not in that place, it was in themselves which they discovered through a way, by living simple and with truth.

  17. Thanks for sharing…There was a time when I also started a journey to find myself(sounds funny) but it was worth seaching For…

  19. Lesley, a friend of mine, Sali Peden, was fortunate to have traveled to Uttar Kashi with Maharishi and a small group of people. Here is her memory of that special time preserved in a beautiful poem. I think you’ll appreciate it. http://bit.ly/b9iXH0

  21. Hi… I am from North India and a graduate student in Missoula, Montana. Like many others, I have been seeking answers to certain questions about myself – Who am I, whats the purpose of life, how should we live etc. (enlightenment?)

    What I can tell you is – “subjective” loneliness can change expression of 206 genes, some of which are regulated by glutocorticoids (stress hormones). A 1989 paper in lancet that reported effects of meditation on 89 cancer patients. They divided these patients into 2 groups – One group was asked to imagine that a ray is coming and killing their cancer cells which are being thrown out of their body while other group was used as a negative control. Prescription medication was as scheduled for both groups. They got amazing
    results! The meditating group had a significantly higher survival than the negative control!

    2005 paper in Neuro. Endorin. letters says that during the initial phase of a romantic relation, cortisol levels are high which may result in an transient increase in HPA axis which would eventually be phased out by combined action of oxytocin and vassopressin resulting in decrease in stress.

    I can cite perhaps dozens of studies but the point I am trying to make is – Your body responds to what you “think”… If you try to find enjoyment and happiness in little things, your body will respond to it..!

    For me, meditation is not to find state of nothingness and remove all thoughts but to rationally and logically think about things that bothers you and try to find happiness in all those things that are still the way you would like them to be.. For instance, you can be happy because you have all your limbs intact and because you dont have any disease. If thats not the case, you can be happy coz you are able to enjoy the food you like and you have a family. if even thats not true, be happy just because you can drink clean water.. I know there are areas in this world where people drink water from the same place where buffaloes bath. If you do even have access to fresh water, be happy because you can breathe and that you are alive! So, no matter what situation you are in, you have a reason to be happy as long as you are alive.. Once you are dead, umm… lets just hope the concept of reincarnation is true 🙂

    You can find my theories about life on my Blog, if you are interested!

  24. Tonight I took a moment to write a quick blog reflecting on how much my life has changed in the last year… and in doing so I saw this post on the WP Homepage…

    Relevance?

    Yesterday I quit my job of five years and I am heading to India in two months where I will be at an ashram for, well, actually I don’t know how long. As long as need be, I suppose.

    It was wonderful to read your blog on your experience at this precise moment.

    • Hey Amanda: I’m so glad this resonated for you today. You sound like you’re on the cusp of a great adventure! How exciting. I read some of your blog and really liked it, so I’ll have to keep up with you. Good luck and safe travels!

  26. Hi Lesley,
    I came across this post when pulling up my own WordPress blog. I’m writing from the North-West corner of Cameroon, where I’ve been (trying to be) volunteering for about 5 months. Meanwhile, I’ve been continuing a big process of inner exploration which started before I got here. I’ve had so much time to myself here, and enough tough experiences, that the process leaped ahead and I started thinking more seriously about going to an ashram in India.

    Looking up on the internet (I had the same concerns as you), Tureya just kept popping up for me too, and I kept being really pulled by it. I tried to write but didn’t get any response – can you pass me the contact info you used to reach them?

    Appreciate it!

    Jason

  28. Hi Lesley, congrats on making the WordPress front page! How wonderful that you were able to experience an ashram in India. Many of us dream of such a time. I suspect your experience will continue to deepen in the weeks and months that follow. Enlightenment may be a tiny seed that has been planted. And, now, to watch it grow!

  29. I am sorry, lady, but it seems you were pulled by the so called Eastern Mystique. There’s no such thing as eastern mystry. I am an Indian, lived here all my live, but never have found any need for any specific kind of ‘meditation’. Wherever you are on this beautiful earth, east or west, cold regions of Arctic or hot Sahara deserts, whatever your religion, you make your own meditation space of your own. You don’t need meditation gurus. You are your own guru. Listen to your heart. Forget your earthly body for some time and you meditate. Only condition – forget your bodily needs for a few hours.
    This is not to offend you in any way, but just to guide you or just remove myths.

    • I disagree, with all due respect. What is the “Eastern Mystique”? The mindfulness and breathing practices I referred to in my post don’t come from some sort of ethereal Eastern mystery or myth. Their roots lie in real ancient texts. Also, the fact that you’ve never found a need for meditation doesn’t mean it isn’t useful for anyone else. Meditation has really helped me, personally. I do call that “listening to my heart”!

      • I think “An Indian” is saying that one doesn’t have to travel to an ashram in India to learn meditation and breathing techniques…or anywhere else in the world for that matter. It’s not the techniques or locations that bring us closer to the divine or our source. Most of us don’t believe that “You are your own guru.” However, putting that part aside, I think it is part of our self-growth process to desire to seek spiritual growth by looking externally at various practices and travelling to other countries.

  31. Hi!

    It is ironic you traveled to India and lived in an ashram to find the truth about life and I learned the same truth on the hospital bed after becoming homeless in the U.S.A.

    Place/location is not important. The fact is you were ready to receive your truth and the presence of like minded people and the clam of asharm assisted in this journey. Majority of Indians will never be able to pay for that ashram fee and take time off from work as work means food on the table. Neither could I so I took the road of Kundalini yoga on http://www.kriteachings.org while I was in the US.

    The bottomline is what ever helps you find your peace. Warm wishes and Peace.

    Desi Girl

    • Thank you for sharing your point of view as well as your experience. I think that our lives are also influenced by rituals to mark important events in our lives, such as birthdays, weddings, funerals etc. So going to an ashram is for some, an important part of their lives to mark a turning point of their lives. Yes you are right, it can be achieved anywhere but of course, I believe that a change of scenery is an important part of that process. Thank you for sharing your thought provoking views!

  32. I like those few ideas. They do sound simple but then again, maybe the best things in life are simple. I agree with the concepts of controlling one’s own mind, being responsible for one’s own happiness and having more faith.
    Thanks for posting, even if you just posted those few lines it would probably be a valuable addition to the information on the net. 😉
    PS: nice sky on that main photo!

  34. I liked a lot your post, actually is the first time i end up reading all the comments. Thank you a lot for sharing your experience. Though, i would like to say a couple of things about your “third lesson”. On my experience and comprehension of sacred texts, i found out, that this part of believing in your capacity to actually get “whatever” you want in life, is in fact, tricky. Because, it is precisely arriving to that point of plenitude, satisfaction and gratitude, what is required for you to effectively change external reality. But this means, that your true capacity to change “magically” your external reality, is specifically subordinated to improve other peoples experience (or to be acurete, what you perceive as other people´s experience), since, you are suppossedly satisfied with your world. In fact, dismantling material expectations and earthly ambitions is precisely the path to acquire the highest dominum. This may be hard to understand, because this is precisely the tricky part. Maybe this process can be understod by saying that it is like drawing yourself the pretiest painting of your own golden dream,(visualization of your highest desires) and then after, being able to give it away, so that others can enjoy it. In this methaphor, the capacity to give away, would be the maingate to acces, truly your highest dream. Anyway, i hope this example may help, and i would be glad to continue a dialogue upon this issue. Greetings!

  36. Hey Lesley! Glad to had a good time in my country 🙂

    I have been wanting to go to Tamil Nadu for the peace and calmness it offers, as opposed to my roaring city life in Mumbai.

    Would you be kind enough to help me with the website where you got the initial details of the ashram from.

    That would be of great help.

    Your pictures are beautiful 🙂

    Regards,
    Sonali Shah

  39. No harm intended, but Peter’s comment (#1) about awakening kundalini in order to calm the mind is completely and utterly false. No truth to it whatsoever. To go that route is stark delusion and – ultimately – fruitless.

    Authentic meditation means opening to the Divine which – like an Eternal Sun – forever shines. It is Everywhere and Everything. That is who “you” are. That is ‘God’ and Truth.

    “Kundalini” and other experience/realizations will happen as they do. The agitated bundle of thoughts called ‘mind’ will calm of itself as we practice.

    Thank you for the most interesting post, Lesley!

  42. Hey Lesley. I hope you will read this post, written quite some time after your blog entry.

    I am looking for an ashram to spend several months in, and i’ve seen so many testimonies about horrible experiences (stealing, mugging, threatning.. and so on) that i am extremely cautious where i’m gonna go. i’ve heard mixed review about the tureya ashram, but mostly goods, and that’s where i was planning to go for now. Could you just tell me how much you had to pay, if you had some bad experience along the way and what conveyance you used to go to the ashram ? That would be so nice of you.

    Have a great day !

  43. I am very grateful for your post Lesley. I teach Rainbow tai chi and also a facilitator of Eckhart Tolle. I have just viewed a video of Eckhart who advises there needs to be more Ashrams in the world to cater especially for people in the ending of their life. Becoming aware of the impermanence of your own Form is essential to life – meditation brings us into that state of Being.

    Your first bullet (Responsibility) takes the western Mind by storm, because we are accustomed to relying on other people to make us happy. Happiness is a choice.

    Your second bullet, control of the Mind, requires discipline (against a seemly endless backdrop of society’s misconceptions). That is achieved by 5 or 10 minutes each day by sincerely listening to your breathing, paying attention to the pauses between each breath.

    Your third bullet. Trust (is the opposite of Fear). Trust, respect and Love are the same, they originate in the Spirit of togetherness – Oneness. Oneness with just one flower, Oneness with an animal, Oneness with one person – YOU. The practice is to Let Go of the past and the future, because there is only the Present moment – ever. Thank you again Lesley you are an inspiration.

  44. Hi Lesley, thanks for your post! I’m planning to go to India next March and have been trying to find an ashram for me to go. I just checked Tureya website and it sounds like the right place for me. Sent them an email so I’m waiting for their reply since I couldn’t find info I needed on ther site (program and their fees). Thanks for the info. It came to me at the right time.

    Love & Ligh,

    Janka

  45. I have enjoyed reading your blog which I found by pure coincidence. Reading about your experiences as well as reading the different view points from other people’s comments was a real eye opener and gave me food for thought. The comments from “An Indian” were most thought provoking and strengthened my resolve to continue to be a mindful “seeker”. Lots of love and peace!

  46. “Do I secretly think I don’t deserve it? I’d always been such a go-getter at work, pushing myself to do more stories and tackle big projects. In my personal life, though, I’d never really declared to the universe what exactly I wanted, and firmly pushed for it with 100 percent of my heart and soul”
    described wonderfully

  47. Hi, I have similar experience, only I know a family to a city that I’m going. I prayed about it & picked the first ashram near where my friends live. I’m worried & anxious of course, I don’t know if I will be able to eat w/hands or 10min shower! But, I’m willing to go and find out.
    Please pray for me!

  48. Nice posting and the concluding exeperience of Ashram is realy right. A young lady from country like Maxico is thinking about the objective of her life is a very positive sign. if you have a right curiosity to know the goal of life then ypu will find it deffinently.
    Regards and thanks

  49. Hi Mija
    Really helpful post!!! I’m considering going to one as well and was curious about the costs associated with the ashrams in India. Thoughts?